weeeekend.

It’s the official start to my weekend. Color me three shades of pink, I’m so happy. Just wish I didn’t have an exam on Monday. Le sigh. Oh well, off to go celebrate America’s birthday weekend with some drinking, food-ing, laying (out by the pool), and some studying….have a great one folks.

xo, b

 

reality overload.

I want to write, I just have no f*cking clue what to say.

I’m a mess of emotions right now…my time at home, and Boston…well let’s just say that it was a lot of emotions in a short amount of time, and right now? I can’t process them.

I just….can’t do it.

I’m so busy with schoolwork (yes, the new semester started yesterday) and I’m so overwhelmed I just want to sit and curl up in the fetal position and cry. But that wouldn’t help anyone, so…not an option.

I was so collected for so long…and now, I’m just so, so, so very overwhelmed.

Deep breaths. Deep. Breaths.

 

posterchild? that’d be me.

A few of my friends received the following text message from me Sunday morning (or something along the lines of it); I thought it would be very telling of my first weekend home on my mini school break:

Last night, I lost my *expensive purse*wristlet my mother bought me; therefore, my mother hates me, my liver hates me, and I have no ID, debit card, or AmEx. Not to MENTION the chanel lipgloss  and lipstick that are now gone as well. I passed out in the {Rredacted}’s bathroom for a wee bit, then managed to go to an afterparty where I later promptly passed out on a couch. My life is in shambles, and I am the posterchild for textsfromlastnight.com.

Wow, role model Barbie.

Anyway, after my liver finally decided not to wage a war on my body, and my AmEx and ID have been replaced, with proper mourning having been done for the Chanel, and *Expensive Purse*, I have sworn off the bottle.

Well, until my trip to Boston on Thursday. There are weddings and reunions to be had, people.

So, for the past few days my exciting life has been basically chilling at home, snuggling with the pup, and hanging out with the fam. I may have also had a teddybear last night to snuggle with. God, did I miss him. But that’s a story for another day.

I’ll do my best to try and stay out of trouble my darling freaders….but..well…like my magic 8 ball says: “outlook not so good.”

Live and learn, folks. Live and learn.

 

“true story.”

Thank you all for your input. In retrospect, I really wasn’t upset about the whole actual aspect of the +1 thing, because honestly, I really don’t care…hey, I like the fact I have more options and don’t have to babysit anyone the entire night. It was more the how do we say, surprise factor, shall I say?

Because we’re all about positive new beginnings, and making lemonade (+vodka) with lemons…Gman (That’s what we’re calling him; because, well, he’s Gay, and he’s a Man) and I have since facebook messaged and I must say, I’m pretty pumped to have a partner in crime.

I mean, hellllo! Who else can I make snarky comments to, whilst checking out hot party guests (who ISN’T my competition, ha) and have a badass dance partner?Also, we share a mutual admiration for the phrase “true story.” Signed, sealed, delivered, I may be someone’s new #1 hag.

Yes, these are all positives. So, whatever. I think more than anything I was taken aback, because it seemed she had other intentions.

Such is life.

The wedding isn’t until NEXT weekend, so I’m off on break and get to spend some time at home for a bit. I’m VERY excited to see the family, the puppeh, and perhaps, of course Teddybear. Should be a good time. Personally, I’m just happy I can do laundry sans quarters, and not have to worry about spending money on groceries for a week. Good lord, I am SUCH a student.

However, this time around being a student, I’m developing good habits…like going to the gym 4 days a week. And eating breakfast. And making my bed every morning. I know, Barbie grows up. Tear. We won’t talk about the copious amounts of empty wine bottles that are sitting in my recycling bin.

Alright, I should probably go study for that final I have tomorrow. Hope everyone’s week is going well…and look on the bright side! It’s ALMOST FRIDAY! Wooohooo!

And to celebrate, I leave you with my name in lights. Because helllllo, who doesn’t want their name all lit up and pretty?

It’s Barbie, bitch.

 

+1….and not elementary math.

I was hired as a wedding planner for one of my very best friends. I’ve also gone to a BUNCH of weddings. And have been in a BUNCH of weddings. A lot of my friends are married, and/or engaged, so I understand the dramas of +1’s. And all the drama/stress/whathaveyou they entail.

I do, I get it. I really, really do.

As we all know, I’m heading to Boston for a wedding for the couple who were  my very first Boston friends. No, I do not know anyone but maybe one or two other people at this wedding, and yes, they are groomsmen in relationships. The bride is from the Midwest, and doesn’t really have a lot of friends in Boston.

The wedding is at a super shi shi place, which is costing thousands and thousands of dollars. Therefore, I understand why there is no +1 after my name. I get it. I do! I wasn’t even mad! A tad annoyed, because I would have liked to have the option, but I get it; recession, economic times, their wedding, blahblah, it’s cool. Really, no drama here. I understand I’m not in a serious relationships therefore validating a reason to have a +1. I’m there to toast and celebrate your love and commitment.I am your friend (albeit single) and there to support you. (The cute single guys at the wedding are an added bonus.)

HOWEVER.

When the following takes place? I think I have a reason to be like, “seriously?” What did my single self ever do to you? Does it make you feel better that you have someone for eternity and I will end up an old cat dog lady?

/…..

Scene: Tuesday Morning, 7am; Logging into Facebook

“You Have 1 New message from Bride-to-Be”

BB: (Internally) Hmmm. What’s this?

Message Reads:

From: Bride to Be

To: Hotness; Blogging Barbie

Message: Hotness, meet Barbie….Barbie meet hotness…You two will certainly get along well! Make sure to meet early in the night!

BB: (Internally) Score! This is awesome! He is hotness…and that was awfully kind of her to make those introductions with allof the little details she’s been dealing with. I’ll have to thank her. That was really sweet. Maybe married people aren’t so bad in the fact they enjoy humiliating their single friends at weddings.

/……

Scene: Tuesday Afternoon, 3pm; Gmail Chat

BB: Hey! I’m so excited to see you! Thanks so much for that introduction, he’s hotness!

Bride-to-Be: Can’t wait to see you too, I’m so excited!!!! Oh, Hotness? He’s Gay.

/…..

Seriously? I’m speechless. Face? Meet palm. W.T.F.

 

so is that a bad thing?

The other weekend I was hanging out with my four closest girlfriends- you know, the ones that were along side of you in your 3rd grade play…that horrible 7th grade train museum fieldtrip…senior prom…graduating from college and going “so…now what?”….to knowing how you hooked up on the 18th hole of a golf course at one of their weddings*; those kinda girlfriends.

They know you better than yourself sometimes.

So when we were discussing the current romantic statuses of our lives, and they all agreed that I could “have a boyfriend if I wanted” well, the thought stuck with me. It’s true, I could. But like they said…”I’m picky. But not in a bad way!”

Truth be told? Yes, I am picky. But not in a “you have to wear popped collar polos and have an ivy league education and a source of major bucks if you’re gong to even think about talking to me.” No, no, and no.

HELL to tha no. I’m not picky like that.

I’m picky in the respect that I don’t want to have to worry about my word choice- because you don’t know what something I say means. I’m not talking thesaurus-type words here, folks. But if you don’t know what the word “euphoric” means? That’s an issue I don’t have time to deal with. Sorry.

I’m picky in the respect that I expect someone to stay true to their word. Call if you say you’re going to call. It’s that simple.

I’m picky in the way that I expect someone to not be shady with me. To not be selfish. To look me in the eye when they speak to me. To make me laugh. To embrace my idiosyncrasies; and not ever make me feel bad for things that make me, ME.

I’m picky in the respect that I’ve been through enough bad pseudo-relationships to relationships that I know the signs. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to put up with that again.

I’m picky in the respect that I deserve to be loved, adored, and cherished for who I am. Behind the pinkish-gold lipgloss and mascara. Behind the Louboutins. Behind the scrubs. Behind the dressings of everyday life, there is a woman who is very protective of her heart…but has not closed it off.

I’ll admit, at 25- almost 26- I’m a lot more careful of putting my heart out there in the past…but that doesn’t mean I still don’t want someone to come tear down the walls.

I’m in a place right now where I believe that I deserve to be picky; to have standards. Not outlandish ones, but standards that are important to me.

If that makes me a bitch, then so be it. But truth be told? I’d rather be a bitch who’s alone, than lonely.

*Which may or may not have happened.

 

oh hello randomness, its been awhile.

I’m writing this post from my crackberry. Technology is awesome. Definitely just took a lab test (scored a perfect in wound dressing and sterile gloving. Important things yo.)And now I find myself chillin in the hallway listenenig to my new ipod,”forgot about dre” from dr.dre’s chronic 2001 and yes I realize the irony of that statement.

Do you know what else I realize? My crackberry has changed my life. I’m sure the iphone is alll kinds of awesome but really? I love my blackberry curve. It’s so damn cute and functional, too. Plus the applications I have are really all I need.

Also I’ve had entirely too much coffee this morning.

What else am I excited about? The 2nd episode of the new show royal pains is on tonight. Its so good. Go watch the pilot online and be prepared for the latest episode tonight. Definitely my fav summer show; has so much promise. Plus it combines all things medicine with all things Hamptons, so really, what’s not to love?

I’m also realizing just how incredibly random this post is.And how its kinda sounding like a product placement but its not. These are the tangible things that are making up my life as late. True story.So don’t be a hater and embrace all of the superficial things that are capturing my interest since all I do is study. Ok, and drink. Its cool. I’m a student. I’ve since added working out to that list so I don’t turn into a 300lb student. Because that would be not so good.espescially if I’m supposed to be preaching the benefits of health as a member of the medical community.

Damn, where was I again?

Would it be bad if I busted out karaoke style ” sometimes loooooovveeee comes arouuuunddd and it knocks youuuu downnnn just get back uppp when it knockssss you dowwwn.” What? Don’t judge. I’m slightly obsessed with this song.

Okay. If you’re still with me, I’m gonna wrap up this post of randomness. Because you’re probably pissed you just wasted five minutes of your life reading this you can never get back.Awesome.

Barbie loves you. Don’t fret. And happy one day away from weekend-ness. Smooches.

 

shiz’s been happenin’, yo. (ghetto barbie, here, apparently.)

Bringin’ it back, a la bullet point style.

• Is it wrong that i find the lyrics “promise not to try to f*ck with your mind, i promise not to mind if you go your way and i go mine, i promise not to lie if i’m looking you straight in the eye…i promise not to try to let you down….” totally and incredibly awesome? Because that’s where I’m at with my relationships right now. That’s all I can promise. And such a bad ass great song. Props to the late 90s band, Eve 6.

• Having an amazing day/evening with your four best friends from elementary/middle/high school in NYC? Priceless. Of course, that is also combined with the day spent in Central Park (making snarky comments, catching up, and basking in the presence of each other), dinner, drinking, conversation, and free desert bought for us by a nice table of gentleman? Yeah, awesome. We also totally didn’t get mind getting called a variation between “Desperate Housewives” and “Sex & The City”…meaning, we all look totally different, and each have a personality to go with it. God I love those women. It’s not often you see five women who have been through everything together, and still be so close. Being in their presence, and knowing that they know me better than anyone? Such a rejuvenating feeling.

• Not so awesome? Finding out one of our friend’s was completely, and totally batshit insane at 3am. Don’t want to talk about it. It’s since been addressed, and we’re helping her address her issues. (And I totally used really bad grammar and used the word “addressed” twice in the same sentence. Deal with it. I’m tired.) If anything, it made the four of us closer, and become seriously concerned for our one friend. Hopefully, moving forward it will strengthen the five of us’ bond.

• I also got to see college best friend. She lives with HS best friend, and so I def scored a bed, rather than the couch. It also made me miss our senior year of college when she arrived home, jumped in bed on top of me and smothered me with kisses in her drunk voice saying “BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB WAAAAAAAAKKKKEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.” She may or may note have been at a work friend’s bachelorette party. And subsequently drunk. Thusly keeping us up till 5am talking.

• I’m still totally loving my classes (Finished up another two classes…both A’s…HOLLLA. And if you’re keeping track of the credit total, that’s 5 credits in three weeks, all A’s. Yes, I know I’m shamefully boasting right now, but I’m proud of myself damint, and if I can’t blog about it WHAT CAN I DO, HUH?! Yeah, that’s what I thought.)

• As a present to myself, I splurged and bought myself a replacement iPod (if you remember, that and my two Tiffany’s bracelets were stolen last Fall along with my Longchamp bag.) My new orange iPod nano is SO CUTE. I also love part of my inscription: “music is the mind’s medicine.” (Because I’m going to be a nurse, and I love music….GET IT?! GET IT?! God, I’m SO creative.)

• bXY and I had a bit of a steamy conversation a little while ago. Me thinks he needs to visit the East coast, stat. (Yes, I know you’re reading this. Have you booked your tix yet? No? Get on it. Teehee. That’s what she said. Seriously, though. Expedia. ASAP.)

• I miss my puppeh terribly. Beyond terribly. I miss his furry little self snuggling with me as I fall asleep. Even if he did leave terrible farts and sprawl out, taking over the entire bed and pillow. I MISS MY PUPPEH. Come back now kthxbai.

• My new apartment is so totally bombass. I love it. I also love that I have TWO FULL SIZED CLOSETS. True story. I know, you’re jeal. It’s ok. I would be too.

• Red wine and me are currently not speaking. I’ve also found that working so hard during the week has not helped my liver on the weekends. Just sayin’.

• Today one of my instructors provided me with one of the best quotes ever iterated by a professor: “And tomorrow, we’re going to get to play with needles, and learn about restraints. I don’t suggest you Googling those items; the ones I’m talking about didn’t show up.” Nursing school? You’re SO FUNNY.

• I’m so beyond excited because I have a break here in a week and half! WOOOHOOO!!!! I get to go home (yes, plans with the Teddybear have been made) and get to hang out with the FAM and pupppy…annnnnnd I’m visiting Beantown for a wedding. Gooooood times. I also *might* see Nantucket Red, and Blue Eyes. Lord help us all.
• I also placed my very first reservation EVER to rent a car. This made me feel old.

• Which reminds me, I’m turning 26 here in, oh, two months? WHERE DID THIS PAST YEAR GO.

• Ok. Now I’m just rambling. I have to read about needles and restraints. God, I can’t wait to see what those words do to my Google analytics search. Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

katie couric, you spoke to me.

From her address to the Princeton Class of 2009:

Third, I have a message particularly for all you young women here today…or as Beyonce might say, all the single ladies. John Lennon once wrote “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

I’m sure you are all graduating with big career goals. You may also have a dream of being married and having a family, and at some point the career may take a backseat. There is no more challenging, rewarding or important job than being a mom. I just want to say this—sometimes dreams of domestic bliss are interrupted by reality. People get divorced. People die. You need to protect yourself. I was very happily married to a wonderful man. He was diagnosed with colon cancer and nine months later, he was gone. I was a single mom with two very young children. This was not part of the plan. Luckily, I had a career and therefore the financial independence to support my children. Many women in my situation are not nearly as fortunate. And while I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, I want you all to be prepared for the unexpected and approach some of the big life decisions you’ll be making with your eyes wide open.

 

i’m just not there.

I love my amazing friends. I really, truly do. I pretty much think that I’m the luckiest girl in the whole, wide, world to have such an eclectic group of phenomenal people in my life. But you know what, folks? Being 25, on the brink of 26, is a mighty funny age and time in your life.

It is so, unbelievably, completely polarizing.

In fact, I feel as if there are two sides of the fence. The married and wanting babies side, and the single going out with your girls side having cute boys buy you drinks so you don’t have to pay for them.

Everyone is different; they have different choices, different paths, all that jazz blahblahblah we’re taught. And I get it. I do. I also know not to compare myself to others, because everyone is on their own timeline.

But do you ever just feel caught in the middle?

On one hand, I see an adorable baby and can totally relate to my married friends who have babies on the brain, and are so content to stay at home on a Saturday night with the significant other. Hell, if I had a boyfriend, or man, I think that’d be great! I mean, I love my Manolos just as much as the next girl, but give me sweatpants and curling up with my man watching a movie? Done and done.

On the other, I don’t realllly have a manfriend, am living the “college life” albeit graduate as opposed to undergrad, and damnit on a Saturday night after studying my assss off all week I just want to let loose and flirt with band members, drink tequila shots, and wear questionably short skirts, all the while laughing with my fellow single girls.

But at what point- crossing that great divide constantly- do you find yourself in no man’s land and enough is enough?

I’m at a point now, where I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I’m also at a point where despite that, I still feel guilty for CONSTANTLY comparing myself to both sides. And also, for feeling resentment at both sides. Not toward the people; heavens no…just that they have somewhere to belong. They don’t find themselves questioning one day “WHY AM I NOT MARRIED AND WANTING A BUNDLE OF JOY?!” to the next, realizing “OH SHIT, I TOTALLY FORGOT TO WATER MY HOUSEPLANT BECAUSE I WAS SO HUNGOVER AND TIRED FROM MY WEEKEND OF STUDYING/PARTYING.”

Going from zero to sixty and back again is exhausting. I haven’t come to a conclusion, and I don’t know if I ever will.

I do think, though, that it’s okay to feel the tug of both sides. Because really, everyday we discover something new about ourselves.

Like, today for instance. I discovered the taste of horseradish sauce. And how it makes me want to vomit and invades my nostrils and the sickening stench WILL NOT LEAVE MY NASAL CAVITIES.

These discoveries are important stuff people.

So,teaching point: while some discoveries we make, we will find ourselves never going back on. (Read: eating horseradish sauce ever, ever, EVER again.) And others? Well, I guess we’ll just have to walk the line for a bit till we fall on one side permanently, and just enjoy the time in between.