oh, baby.

It’s official.

The men in two of the three SUPER SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS I had (which helped form my outlook and expectations on love in my life), now have little ones.

The one that got away had his baby girl (of the babyname stealing variety), this past August. And now, the one who has honored his word of “girl/boyfriends may come and go, but friends are forever. You, will always be a forever friend, no matter what,” welcomed a bouncing baby boy into the world yesterday. I’m truly happy for him. He is going to make one hell of an amazing father.

Also warming my heart? Upon wishing him congrats to him and his wife, he thanked me using his special nickname for me.

I guess it is true.

Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go…but friendships can last forever. I’m blessed that we’ve made that bridge.

 

 

giving up…for you.

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there’s always cups in the sink?
What if I’m not what you think I am?
What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well what if I do?
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glassess and
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up.
What if our baby comes home after nine?
What it your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes? Then I’ll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart.
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glassess and
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up.
I am giving up.
I am giving up.
I am giving up on greener grasses.
I am giving up for you.
I am giving up for you.
I am giving up

 

I’m probably going to kick myself for writing this. In fact, I’m probably going to look back on this post say: ” you stupid dumbshit. Why, why, WHY did you write and jinx yourself. You know better, you stupid, stupid girl.”

Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

So, we know ’round these parts, the men tend to come and go, and then come around again, and then go back into the cracks of the woodwork, and then presently crawl out again only to make a vicious cycle that makes for an entertaining blog doth BB have.

So, I kinda wrote about this guy in a post not too long ago. In fact, I haven’t named him, because well, I just haven’t. So, we’re calling him Guy for now. And now you get to the hear the story, because it’s warranted, and this blog helps me to document the things going on in my life, and well, he’s a big part of my life right now.

So, Guy.

We met back in May, the very first weekend I went out with my new roomies. He just so happened to be friends with my roomie’s friend from high school, who we were going out with. Guy and roomie’s old HS friend go to Law school together. Met Guy, thought he was hilariously sarcastic, and thought hmm he’s pretty cool dude. But, I wasn’t like OMG MUST DATE HIM. We became facebook friends, and time passed. Apparently, he went abroad this past summer to Rome, and returned in September. I only found this out, over the weekend that was epic, and I decided to call him to help me get back into my locked out apartment at 3am. (Yes, please note we had not spoken since May. Nor, was there ANY REASON ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH that I should have called him, because there was a) nothing he could do and b) did I mention I hadn’t spoken to him since May? but, since I was working on drunk logic, and figured since he was also a friend of roomie who was passed out IN the apt, he might be able to call her and help wake her up. Yeah, I know. Drunk Barbie logic wins EVERY TIME.

Anyway, that weekend was the start of everything. From that weekend forward, I can safely say we have spent every weekend together, unless I was home on vacation, or he was out of town for various reasons. There have been Phillies games, house parties, dinner and drinks, and constant communication.

So. We all know how Barbie deals with COMMITMENT, and OMG, MURKY. Clearly, if you don’t know, just look at the huge file drawer marked “ISSUES” and you can read up. So, after a reallly long story and drama that happened over Halloween despite the fact he was ACROSS THE COUNTRY, because thanks to a fellow law student friend who is apparently crazy, and, oh, has feelings/history with Guy, a lot was brought to light Wednesday night.

As in, we sort of had “the talk.” This, after he told me the complete crazy lawgirl story, bluntly, and honestly, and genuinely apologized for me having been put in a less than stellar situation (which, at that point I was totally CLUELESS about.) ( It was awesome.)

So, the talk. DEEP BREATHS.

Let me preface this by saying Guy is an intensely private person. When you meet him he appears to be the jovial life of the party, but when it comes down to it, what’s happening in his life, mind, and heart are kept up under lock and key. (Oh, we in BB land know nothing about this way of dealing with feelings, HA. HA. HA.) Over the past month, we have slowly started opening up to each other. I also know he has a really hard time with changes, and needs to ease into things on his own time that’s different than most. This has been shown in other circumstances, but I’m not about to go into that on here. Because those private conversations are ones that I hold near and dear to my heart, that he’s only shared with me.

Now, Slowly, he has shared things with me, that I’m 99% sure others do not know. And I, have SLOWLY started opening myself up to him as well. (I know, you can pick yourself up off hte floor y’all.) Slowly. And yes, I realize this sounds like a total disaster in the making, two people who have vulnerability/relationship issues trying to make it work, but hey. Let’s hope this train doesn’t derail.

Anyway. After the whole story/apology, it kinda sorta led into “the talk.”  Where, after a lot of bluntness and honesty and open communication, this is apparently where we’re at:

We’re dating.  We’re not BF/GF, yet. He isn’t dating anyone else, nor WILL date anyone else while we are together, because he’s not like that. He doesn’t like the idea of me being with other people, but isn’t going to tell me not to, but really doesn’t like the idea. (Mental note to self: sorry sorry sorry for having those multiple dinner dates with oh, at least 5 different men over this past month and half. OOPS.)

He sees a future with me, but everytime he rushes into things, it falls apart. And doesn’t want this to happen with me. Because he wants this to be it. But that scares him (me too, no shit.) and this is a big change for him as he hasn’t had a serious relationship in awhile, and it ended badly. (HMMM SOUND FAMILIAR?!)

But, he wants to work at this.

He wants to figure things out with me.

He wants me, in all my perfectly unperfect glory. I’m okay with this, because as we know, I tend to rush into things only to fall flat on my face. I was also happy that he understood that this whole “taking it slowly nonboyfriend-boyfriend state” isn’t one that I’m going to put up with for months and months and months, and he completely agreed with me on that point.

So, we’re taking it slowly, and going to figure things out, one day at a time.

That said, I want this to work.

I want this to work, and I know it won’t if I have many other men on the backburner. Because you can’t really focus on one, if you have so many others in the wings.

So I’m trying something different.

I’m giving up. I’m going to try this. Try taking it slow, try beoing this whole dating one man thing, and putting the other relation-shits to rest. Because I need to focus on this one. This one…this one gets my attention now. My full attention.

Because he deserves it, and is doing the same for me.

Guy, I want you to know, that I’m giving up on making passes. I’m giving up on half empty glasses. And I’m giving up on greener grasses.

I’m giving up…for you.

 

i have become obsessed with nursing blogs.

This post pretty much sums up why this blog in particular, is my favorite.

 

open letters: things i need to say to myself edition.

dear drunk barbie,

hi there. it’s your other half here. you know, the more sober one. we need to talk, dollface. but first? please put that bag of salt and vinegar chips down. you ass is already big. good girl. no, no, no. PUT DOWN THE PIZZA AND RANCH DRESSING. focus. k. good. so, i know its halloween and all. and you’re dressed up like a naughty po-po officer. and you look good, you really do. but i’m thinking it might be a good time to assess your behavior tonight. so, let’s review. calling everyone in your phone at 2.45am? NOT A GOOD DECISION. having multiple conversations you will not remember? also not probably the most stellar of ideas. (except that one with the fabulous bXY. he’s a hottie, that one. you can keep him around.) those are really the major ones, love. but in addition to those? please remember the following: (1) crowded bars on halloween are not the place to have heart to hearts; (2) it’s entirely okay to cut yourself off  from the bar. you’re 26 now, and can no longer drink a frat boy under the table like you used to. sorry babycakes; (3) again, you’re 26. not a drunken frat boy. you really didn’t need to steal that umbrella from the table, even though (in your defense) it DID look lonely sitting there all by itself.

so, keep those things in mind, and we’ll be good. now, get yourself some gatorade and advil, and take off that eye makeup. you look like hell. now PUT DOWN THE DAMN SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS, and get some sleep.

kisses,

sober barbie

/…..

 

dear barbie,

so, i know it’s been awhile since you’ve been to mass. in fact, i believe it was ash wednesday to be exact. then gain, i know you’re busy and all saving lives with your nursing eyes and healing hands. however, whenever its sunday night? and you don’t take the opportunity to go to mass? i’d like you to remember the  experience you had tonight. and what one could call divine intervention.

i know the relationship we have with our grandma is one that is intensely special to us. and also, the fact that you are reminded of grandpa everytime you go to church, isn’t easy for you to deal with. i know how you hate feeling like a fool breaking down crying usually in the middle of mass when something triggers your emotions. but that’s a good thing, honey. just like tonight. it being “all saints day,” and all. the service tonight really was beautiful, and i, too, really liked the fact they had a special remembrance of people that passed away this past year, in honor of tomorrow, “all souls day.”  so when they turned off all the lights, and lit that sole candle on the altar? and the choir with voices of angels and the orchestra’s acoustics that bounced off the walls perfectly so, rang out in the church? and seeing a slideshow of photographs of people who passed away over the year who were somehow a part of a member in the congregation’s life, were illuminated on the wall of the round cathedral ceiling? that was pretty emotional.

i know you were happy that you were leaning against the wall, in a corner where people really couldn’t see you because it was standing room only. and i know that you didn’t mean to break down crying multiple times. but it’s okay, honey. you have a good heart, and i know that part of the service really impacted you. i’m proud of you for realizing that life is oh so fragile…and a precious gift that we have for only a fleeting moment.

i know it made you stop and think about grandma. and how much her health has deteriorated. and how, she doesn’t even know who you are anymore. i know it was hard for you to see that precious picture of the little girl who was bald, and apparently lost her battle to cancer. it was a lot to take in, bb. but it was for the best. and i’m so glad we were able to have that emotional experience.

hang in there, and don’t forget to say your prayers tonight. although, i know that after your attendance to this particular mass, i don’t need to remind you.

blessings,

your conscious

/….

 

dear commitment issues barbie,

get over it. seriously. get. over. it.

we heal.

love,

your heart

/….

 

what would you write in a letter to yourself, today?

 

avoid! avoid!

I didn’t write this, but after stumbling across it, and reading through? I realized I have dated entirely toooo many dudes on this list.

Good thing I’ve learned from my mistakes! (Har-dee-har-har.)

I definitely don’t agree with some of them, then again, others I do…so it’s a toss up. BUT, found it interesting nonetheless. Thoughts?

(And yes, the bolded ones are dudes I’ve dated.) Clearly why I am still single at 26.

Enjoy.

/…

“The Girl’s Guide to Holiday Romance”

1. Avoid any man who uses emoticons. He is not straight.
2. Avoid men who claim to have ski homes. They are using this as a front for all of the weekends when they don’t want to hang out with you.
3. Avoid any man who reads Perez Hilton. He’s yappier than a yorkie on a tight leash.
4. Avoid any man who uses hair gel. There will be other sticky situations on your hands in time – you don’t want to start with the hair.
5. Avoid any man who doesn’t cry. He’s three weeks away from a mental breakdown.
6. Avoid any man who thinks girls don’t poop. He’ll be shocked when you are, in fact, a real human.
7. Avoid any man who won’t help you carry heavy things. He has no purpose.
8. Avoid any man who expects sexual gratification after even a drink. He hasn’t gotten laid in months.
9 . Avoid any man who is over 6′5″. Too much human.
10. Avoid any man who only wears skinny black jeans. In spite of the masses in skinny black jeans, he thinks he is unique. The self-delusion does not bode well.
11. Avoid men in pointy shoes. On a date, two people with sore feet is one person too many.
12. Avoid any man who is or was a college athlete. He thinks he is The Sun God.
13. Avoid any man who tells you when he is going to kiss you. He is insecure and you will pay for it.
14. Avoid any man who buys you a charm for a necklace, but no chain. He can’t do anything right.
15. Avoid any man who has ever spent time with a woman who excessively self-tans. The chemicals have gone to his head.
16. Avoid any man that watches what he eats more than you do. You will have no one to eat steak with because he will only take you to salad and sushi places.
17. Avoid any man who still has floppy, curly hair over the age of 22. He sleeps in He-Man pajamas.
18. Avoid any man who claims his last break up with amicable. He is a liar.
19. Avoid any man who is an insomniac. The crazy late-night emails will get old fast.
20. Avoid any man who drives a flashy car. Not for compensation reasons – though they may be true – but because he isn’t going to let you drive it. Accept that now.
21. Avoid any guy whose friends already know details about your life. He picked out your future children’s names before you went on a date.
22. Avoid any self-proclaimed playboys. They probably wear hairgel, anyway.
23. Avoid any man with a tribal armband tattoo. He is a mirage from 1998.
24. Avoid any man who makes an exaggerated point of being Irish. He thinks he is a character from The Departed.
25. Avoid any man who writes music. He doesn’t go outside enough.
26. Avoid any man who gets visibly uncomfortable around children. He has no soul.
27. Avoid any man who hates Sex and the City. He is intimidated by female friendships.
28. Avoid any man who lives in your building. Have you ever seen The Real World?
29. Avoid any man who has a crush on Pam from the Office. He’ll be intimidated if you are a. coherent, or b. not plain.
30. Avoid any man who have gotten into a great school, been offered a great job, or awarded an honor – but then turned it down. He will work this into every conversation you have. It will annoy the shit out of you.
31. Avoid any man who asks you to wear flats. He has a Naploeon complex.
32. Avoid any man who doesn’t think women are funny. He beats puppies.
33. Avoid men who liked 300.
34. Avoid any man who sends testy text messages. He has no balls.
35. Avoid any man who picks up a guitar and sings to you when you are in a room. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, he wants an audience.
36. Avoid any man who has artifacts from his past relationship scattered around his apartment. You don’t want each visit to be like a paleontology dig, wondering what you will discover next.
37. Avoid any man who you describe as “endearing.” He’s weird and you’re lonely.

 

chunkler.

Yep, you read correctly. I’m totally and 100% ripping off the phrase that my favorite west coast diva, d, coined. But hey, imitation is flattery, right? And I’m giving her credit. So, yeah. Back to the topic at hand.

Chunkler, aka, me.

No, really. The universe has decided that I need to be 10lbs heavier than my fighting weight at what I’ve remained for awhile, and can keep at semi-easily. And by semi-easily, I mean the extent of my exercise regimen is lifting bottles of wine to my face, and getting in the occasional walking aerobic activity such as walking to class across campus, or from local bar to bar. Although, the latter usually involves stumbling which is a fantastic source of using extensive muscle coordination so as to not fall off the sidewalk, and, oh, you know, DIE in a gutter because you’ve cracked your head.

But I digress.

The real source of the problem, is mother nature. Men, unless you’re in the medical field or totally attune with your feminine side, you might want to skip this next paragraph.

See, I mentioned that I’ve been having issues with the lady parts for the past couple months. Specifically, Aunt Flo who overstayed her welcome-making her total visit a ridiculous 3 week stay. HELL. HELL. HELL. If you didn’t get that, PURE HELL. So, after many, many visits with my lovely doctor, numerous tests, blood work, and even a hormone holiday so my body could reset itself, she decided to put me on a new pill. One, that has a significantly higher amount of hormones. Because my body needs a higher dosage of hormones to maintain the monthly woman cycle.

Oh, HI HORMONES and WEIGHT GAIN. SO F*CKING NICE TO MEET YOU.

You can ask my roomies, I really don’t eat a lot. In fact, I can pretty much get by on one meal a day, dinner, with some occasional snacking in between. Now? NOW?!

I’m eating myself out of house and home.

I am RAVENOUS. ALL OF THE TIME. So, in addition to this new found hunger and poundage there, my boobs and ass? Have poofed out. Literally. My bras and pants are tight on me. Which, really? Makes me want to fall into a big heap in the middle of my floor and sob. And then devour a bag of reduced fat kettle cooked potato chips, and string cheese because I’m so EXHAUSTED from all of that SOBBING that I need energy to pick myself up off the floor again to try on another pair of jeans that don’t fit, only to repeat the cycle.

My conclusion? Mother nature wants me to be a chunkler. Or, just have my period for three straight weeks.

I’m pretty sure that’s the superficial version of FML right there.

So, if you need me, I’m pretty sure you can either find me cussing out my uterus, stuffing my face, or curled up in my bed sobbing because my clothes don’t fit me anymore. I suppose I could breakdown and go to the gym…but it’s the gym on campus and there’s so many teenyboppers there that are stick-thin. And quite frankly? My chunkles don’t want to be flapping in the breeze next to the size double zero on the treadmill next to me.

Rock? Meet hard place. Hard place? Meet rock.

Le. F*cking. Sigh. Being a woman is SO HARD.

 

i…

…haven’t done one of these posts for a long time.

…think it’s long overdue.

…have been feeling like total crap lately; advil cold and sinus, gatorade, hot tea and tissues have been my constant companions.

…really, really, really miss the pupster, B. Like, a lot. I hate that he’s across the state and so far away from me when I could really use his snuggles and puppy kisses right now.

…understand that he’s really good for my mom though, and that’s the only reason I’m ok with him being there rather than here. She really needs him right now.

…feel like a terrible granddaughter because every night I saw a prayer that my grandma is being watched over and that she may pass quickly, and in her sleep.

…am having issues about what kind of grandaughter prays for that…but in reality, it would honestly be a blessing. my mom is struggling from major caregiver strain, and not able to take care of her anymore because she’s deteriorated so much (both my grandmother’s health, and my mom’s emotional/physical health). My grandmother doesn’t even know who I am anymore. She sleeps 17 hrs a day and doesn’t eat…and its just heartbreaking.

…just want her to be at peace. And not in pain.

…should be having a hot date with my pharmacology books right now.

…am so overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge and information that my brain has been processing these past couple weeks, but I absolutely LOVE it. LOVE IT.

…really think I’ve found my niche in nursing. I want to be in the ICU.

…perhaps maybe even more specifically, the Burn Unit. We’ll see after I can hopefully spend a week in one in the spring doing specifically that. Either way, I love the ICU.

…had a baked potato with butter for dinner and it was delicious. It also calmed my stomach which has been super, super upset lately.

…think though, that I’m in a better place now than I’ve been in a long time.

…am happy to report the above, especially after making the decision to go off my meds. Yes, I’ve never publicly spoken about this, but since December of 2005 I have been a card carrying member of the Prozac nation. After consulting with my doctor, and weaning off of them, I’m happy to say that I no longer use them as a crutch, and am doing well. Very, very well.

…continue to believe that they are very much needed, and if after close monitoring of myself I realize I need to go back on them, well, then, so be it. I haven’t spoken on the blog much about it before (but have in direct emails with some), but truly believe that depression/anxiety is an illness, and should be treated like one, complete with medications and therapy. You can have your beliefs, I have mine. But for now, I’m really, really at peace with the situation and how I’m feeling. My life has changed alot from when I was working at *evil empire* in Boston, and I think…I’ve made the right choice. Fingers crossed.

…realize that omission may have shocked a few. I’ve never hid it, other bloggers and I have had extensive conversations about it..I just never chose to write about it specifically.

…am beyond THRILLED that my bestest is back blogging. We have weathered many a storm together, and know we will continue to do so. Love you CiCi. Soul sisters. For life. xo.

…am also going to make a real, honest goodness attempt to write more. I’ve missed it. I think though that after you go so long, you sort of stare at your computer and think…”I know I need to…but there’s so much stuff to write about.” And it’s overwhelming. But, like my dearest above said, “I have sh*t to say.”

…have been talking to a man. For the past month or so, yet I met him back in May. I don’t know where it’s going. Or where we’re at, so I’m going to keep mum for a little while longer.

…have slowly found myself switching over to tea, rather than coffee. Which is crazy to me, because I’m so not a tea person. But ohmygosh, this? SO GOOD.

…am still battling with the parents about the whole car situation. Read: I need one. Not just want, but need. Problem: paying for said car.

…absolutely love, love, LOVE the Fall. It is my favorite season. Like mi madre says, “it’s like God’s paintbrush has brought beauty to the world.”

…am also currently missing my blogbesties, Clinky and Pie. Also tres excited to meet THIS girl in a little over a week.

…think that friendships are what get me through.Today I got out of my roations early, and I not only caught up with aforementioned bloggy friends, but also spoke with three of my bestests from college and growing up.

…am a lucky, lucky, LUCKY girl to have such amazing women in my life.

…hope I haven’t bored you with this laundry list of items. But it’s me, in all my crazy resplendent life.

Take it or leave it.

 

bankrupt.

That’s what I’m declaring on my personal life. To say that lots has been happening round these parts would be an understatement. But today? I can say that inventory is almost complete.

No more greekman.No more teddybear. No more multiples of men tossing back and forth in and out of the woodwork.

Its true. I have commitment issues.I’m so afraid of actually having something that works and is real, I go after relationships that are completely wrong-in SOME way shape or form for me-to keep my heart safe.

So in addressing those? I’m thinking itd be best to just focus on one at a time.

The dates and dinners and flowers and filled social calendars are nice, but I’m tired.

Exhausted, really.

I start my ICU rotations on monday…that said, its time to grow up.Its high time I put my personal goals and needs in the ICU, and focus on the future I want to be possible…and stop playing around with not only my heart, but others.

Here’s to a new shift starting.Nurse Barbie is on the clock…with her heart and future on the monitor.

God willing,let’s hope it doesn’t flatline.

 

because memes are fun.

the status of my love life, is beyond too complex right now to write out, so i’m just going to wait till it calms down a bit, and then proceed to blog about it. cool? cool.

in the meantime, i’m going to polish off this DELICIOUS snickers ice cream bar (ZOMG SO.GOOOOD.) and give you a meme to read, if you’d like to lose 3 minutes of you’re life you’ll never get back. you’re welcome.

smooooches!

/….

“Scratch out the items on the list that you’ve done in your life…”

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time with out sleep.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself. (accidentally)
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.–PSYCH ROTATIONS PEOPLE, I WASN’T COMMITTED
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to sea world.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Petted a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire.
Had a party while your parents weren’t home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.

…..Moral of the story: i’ve done a lot of shit, y’all.

 

i go to extremes.

Darling I don’t know why I got to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all
Darling I don’t know why I got to extremes

As a nurse, the harsh reality is I’ve not been blinded toward the unprettiness of substance abuse…the epic highs you see patients in, and the abysmal lows they go through in detox. It’s amazing that the human body can span such a range of not only emotions, but physical changes…all because of  a substance.

But what happens, when that substance isn’t alcohol, or drugs….but rather the substance, is life experiences? How do you detox from that euphoria that stem from not only GOOD experiences, but BAD experiences as well?

This past weekend was EPIC. I mean, absolutely without a doubt, epic.  I finally met in person for the first time, two of my long-time blog friends, and reasons I initially started blogging, and kept with it. Philly will never be the same after Clinky, Pie, and Barbie took over. In addition to the ridiculous shenanigans that ensued, I’m able to say that I have found two life long friends, who have carved out a place in my life and heart, forever. Words such as remarkable, and incredible simply pale in comparison to the immediate connection the three of us found with each other.

As simple as the words are, the best I can describe it as, well…we just get each other.

While we haven’t known each other technically “forever,” It sure feels like it. But I can safely say now, without a doubt, forever is in our future. Sometimes they say three’s a crowd, but in our case? It’s the perfect balance…a trifecta if you will, of what true friendship should be made up of:  genuineness. understanding. ease. laughter. trust. balance…and that’s just off the top of my head.

So how does one detox from that?

Yeah, not so easy. There’s been emails, texts, and of course, the sheer amount of times I’ve looked at photos from this past weekend has reached a new record. These ladies?

They are apart of my life, now and forever. That was the GOOD experience, that I don’t mind detoxing from….

The Bad? Well, here we go again.

I went into the weekend coming off of a high from “Banana Pancakes.” That happiness has since been replaced with the shakiness, the vomiting, the agitation and irritability. The not so pretty other side. While I only spoke briefly of him on here, (like so often before- LEARN bb, LEARN!) there were major parts of the story that I did not address on here…however, I once again fell for seeing only the good in the situation, and not the FULL picture.

Funny how the mind is so capable of only seeing what they want to see. When someone hints at showing their true colors, whether it be a random comment, or action, don’t dismiss it.

The good was good, but it hindsight (and yes, I’ll readily admit that my ego is a bit bruised that it didn’t work out), there WERE other factors that in the long run-made for a GOOD thing that things…just didn’t continue to click like they did when the fronts were still up.

That said, I’m okay. Truly. Live and learn.

Hell, I got some homemade banana pancakes out of the deal.

Know what else I learned on a totally different note? That I’ll be damned, as much as you want to put people out of your mind and try and make things work with someone ELSE, sometimes they just don’t go away.

Like, whom might we be speaking of? Glad you asked. Teddybear is alive and well. And  is equally as wonderful when it comes to whatever “we” are.  So I’ll continue the charade of going about my life and let whatever will be will be (and for the record Clinky and Pie witnessed this wonderfulness firsthand, and can attest to his awesomeness despite being a BABY, OMG I’m ROBBING THE CRADLE.) Greekman has made yet another attempt of checking in and visiting and blahblahblah so we’ll see if his actions prove him this time…and oh, the Dr.? Definitely had a SURPRISE phonecall from him just checking in and wanting to catch up last night…after a 20 minute conversation, we have another phone date this weekend.

So, where does that leave me?

Swirling. Still in detox from the good and bad.  My life and the people in it,  may wrapping around me right now…but the good thing about withdrawal?

It’s temporary.

And this too shall pass– allowing for the euphoric highs that are oh so worth it– to come around, once again.