I woke up this morning feeling a little “off.” Not myself. More like a hamster spinning its wheel. OK, not a hamster, because they remind me of mice and rats, which, through logic learned in my college philosophy course, translates into hamsters = vermins. Which I really don’t care for. Let’s try that again. Perhaps the analogy of treading water is more applicable. There. Much better. No vermins involved.
For those visual learners? BloggingBarbie has put on her flippers. She’s waiting for the current she’s been swimming in to pick up its pace, allowing her to go with the flow of what adventures await upstream.
On the outside, I appear perfectly put together; nails manicured, hair done and as per usual, always on time (or early) to meetings. A glimpse in the window at my reflection confirms I’m just as stylishly put together as I was when I left my apartment in the morning. My witticism is still there and my ability to laugh a true, hearty, from-the-gut laugh? It’s functioning, just fine actually. But something…is amiss.
My room is feeling the effects as well. Normally anal retentive and neat, it looks as if my closet threw up all over the place. Clothes, bags, shoes…it’s as if I just don’t have the energy or willpower to sort through it all.
I feel stuck. Stuck in the job search process. Stuck in the murky area of being an adult, while still yearning for my mom’s hugs to comfort me after a bad day.
Stuck in not understanding why people commit such senseless acts that afflict so many others.
This bleak and dismal weather is not helping, just as I’m sure its not doing much for anyone else beneath these overcast skies. I’d like to think it’s the universe’s way of commiserating with so many of us that feel just that; bleak, and dismal…at a loss for how to handle the abrupt and shocking moments life hurls at us.
Just like time, this too shall pass, and memories will remain. But for now, I’m seizing the moment to take in these inexplicable occurences that make their mark. On ourselves, in our lives, forever…trying to remind myself, that life’s happier moments couldn’t be endured with the same exuberance, without the balance of unfathomable grief.
My sincerest and heartfelt prayers are extended to all those affected by the VA Tech tragedy. In this time of mourning, we are all Hokies.
