I want to write something enjoyable to read. I want to write something inspiring. I want to write out the million feelings swirling around in my head right now. I want to write, desperately trying to decipher why I feel this overwhelming sense of confusion in this new phase I’ve entered in my life.
I’ve wandered into the woods. I’ve taken an off-beaten path. I’ve stumbled into thorns, and have found their roses. In my relationships. In my career. In my life.
I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I’ve recovered. I’ve learned.
I’ve fought tooth and nail for what I believe in. I’ve cried. I’ve worked my ass off. I’ve taken in my surroundings. I’ve made decisions. I’ve dealt with their consequences.
And now, I’m at that silent place, with the wind swirling around me, standing still…wondering…asking…”what now?“
I want to make sense of this eerily quiet feeling. The feeling that I’m an outsider looking in at my actions. The wondering of where I’m going next.
I want to be okay with the fact that I’m okay with just enjoying the journey I’m experiencing right now. And taking things as they come. And dealing with them as best I can.
For a woman who has had her own personal filofax for life, this is the hardest thing to do….to realize there are some things in life beyond my control.
To take a moment, breathe, and do the best with what we’re given. All the while, trusting in myself…and the direction that my life is leading me.
February 1, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I love the writing. The quiet can be disorienting but i think its a sign that you *should* breathe, as you say, and look about yourself, which you are already doing. its hard to learn how to be in the moment, and from your stories and what you give us of your personality, those moments are wonderful. and its a heck of a lot better than being in the storm.
February 1, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I think that every blogger is going through this phase. It’s like our cycles are in sync (okay, except their not, but I mean our mood cycles).
One of the feelings I dread the most is uncertainty. Not knowing. It’s frightening and scary, but sometimes? You just have to take the plunge into the unknown. Good luck, tell me how it goes, because I’ve already dived in.
February 1, 2008 at 12:29 pm
i used to be so afraid of the unknown. was constantly worried about what would happen next. but then i had a realization that life can be so much more rewarding (and less stressful) if you take things as they come and try not to plan every last detail. since i figured that out i’ve been much happier. letting go was the best think i ever did.
February 1, 2008 at 12:30 pm
You wrote this beautifully. This is exactly where I’m at and I have to remember to slow down and smell those proverbial roses and enjoy the journey instead of wondering what’s going to happen further down the road.
Its easier said than done though right?
xoxo
February 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Beautiful, honest, and well said.
Sometimes it’s calm, and sometimes it’s the calm before the storm. Storms can be good though
February 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm
i too make waves waiting out the uncontrolable, sometimes frustrating and rewarding come hand in hand.
February 1, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Loved this. I really need to take things as they come and enjoy every day too.
February 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Hi, this was me about two months ago. And though I feel a little better now, your post definitely evoked old emotions in me and made me realize that I’m not all the way there yet. I haven’t finished the journey.
Anyhow, hang in there. Things always happen, whether we like them or not, and things always work themselves out. xoxo
February 1, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I’m with Miriam. This time right now is a disorienting one. All we can do is try to find the one or two things that balance us and go from there.
February 1, 2008 at 1:49 pm
So well said darling. And remember, sometimes being exposed is ok. It’s only then that you realize the depth of the support around you. xoxo
February 1, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Very honest and lovely, my dear.
It’s so hard to just enjoy the journey without anticipating the destination. But the journey is what ultimately makes us who we are; the destination is just the reward.
February 1, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I really like what Clink said above, so I’ll second that. There’s a lot of therapeutic value in learning to let go a little and just enjoy the ride. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
February 1, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Very well said Barbie. You just have to let go and then go with it (if that makes any sense). I love the way you wrote this, so honest.
February 1, 2008 at 3:18 pm
That’s something I often try to remind myself of, especially getting married at a fairly young age. There’s nowhere to be, there’s nowhere to go, there’s no next step that has to be plotted on the timeline. Things can just unfold, and that’s okay. It’s really hard to embrace that, but it’s so true.
February 1, 2008 at 3:51 pm
So beautifully written (once again). This is such a clear example of how almost every 20-something feels at one point: out of control. It’s a good thing though, it teaches you to have faith and learn that things will continue in the path that they are supposed to – with or without you steering the way. heart you.
February 1, 2008 at 7:17 pm
That is a beautiful post! I can understand how it’s weird to be all go-go-go and then feel at a loss when the world stops spinning so quickly. But whatever happens, it’s so important not to forget to look around and appreciate what you’ve already accomplished, smell the roses, and keep setting goals for the future. Life would be so boring if we knew exactly what was going to happen next.
Have a great weekend!
February 3, 2008 at 2:06 pm
I can empathize with the state of mind you are in – just ride it out like a giant wave – feel the realness of what you’re experiencing at any given moment and I promise you will find peace.
February 3, 2008 at 9:37 pm
b, that WAS enjoyable to read.
xo.
February 4, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Hmm, I thought I had commented on this the other day, opps! Well, we chatted about this already, but you’re so right- just living in the moment and trusting that the universe has a way of making things fall into place, is one of the best mindsets to have.
February 6, 2008 at 9:23 am
Good LORD is there anything better than getting flowers when you don’t expect it?
February 28, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I totally understand this. My life is completely up in the air, work, boy, friends. It’s a really strange time, your early 20s. And I am also a control freak and it’s really hard for me to be patient and let things run their course. I like to fix things and make things happen. sigh.