Dear Susan Miller,
You? Are a dirty pirate hooker.
(Okay. Not really.)
(I’m sorry.)
But seriously, seriously?! Why must you be so with it. Honestly, I wish that I had read this, oh, May 1st? Maybe that’d be slightly more helpful than you know, May 13th. BECAUSE A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN TWO WEEKS and it MIGHT have been HELPFUL to have a WARNING or I don’t know, a HEAD’S UP?!
I know, I know, we’ve discussed this before. But really, Susie. Come on now. Can’t we alter your predictions to letting me get things figured out by June 1st? I’ll even bake you cupcakes. I promise. Because November? Yeah. Not so much gonna work for me. I don’t think my tummy (and liver) can handle the stress. Plus, I really need to not worry about how I’m going to pay for the essentials in life for that long, i.e. rent, credit card bills, and getting my hair highlighted and cut. Not to mention the dire importance to my soul that mani/pedis have. I also think, by that point if I don’t have a job? My parents will have me on a slow boat to china. Banished from the will. And no one wants that.
I know you’re super busy, so I wanted to thank you for your time in listening to me today. And I hope you have a lovely day. I look forward to you working your magic by having my stars align- and the universe not fuck with me. We’ll chat soon, I’m sure.
Oh, and, I’m sorry for that whole “dirty pirate hooker” name calling thing. Slut.
Love,
BB
May 13, 2008 at 11:12 am
susan miller needs to send us personal emails before she posts these forecasts. that is all.
May 13, 2008 at 11:18 am
I’m a bit confused, Saturn (relating to work projects) has been in retrograde for months culminating in the latest work fiasco but by Mid-Nov. things should improve. Is she saying that work things will go great for work-wise you for only about a month this winter? Hon, I suggest you find a new astrologist.
May 13, 2008 at 11:21 am
Haha! I write Susan Miller hypothetical emails all the time. And I think I have called far worse things than that.
May 13, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Hahaha, I’ve never read her before. It says that this month is going to give me a “hot tamale” of a lover.
That lint-licker cootie queen.
May 13, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Yeah, according to SM I am supposed to meet my soul mate this month.
Riiiight.
Way to set me up for disappointment Susan!!
**grumble**
May 13, 2008 at 12:30 pm
I love that you just said “dirty pirate hooker.” I was a DPH for Halloween ‘07. Only my girlfriends and myself thought it was funny.
May 13, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I used to read her astrology stuff religiously – every month I would check what was in store for me for the month, with eager anticipation. And for quite a while it was pretty good – spot on in many cases. And then little by little it changed to spot off here and there, and then more and more spot off until eventually it was mostly spot off. So I stopped checking. Bit disgruntled by it actually.
May 13, 2008 at 1:52 pm
yeah she is pretty right on sometimes it’s crazy. but i agree with michelle, personal emails would probably work best, haha.
May 13, 2008 at 2:15 pm
LOL I’ve never heard of her but now I’m going to check it out and see if she is really a dirty pirate hooker.
May 13, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I’ve never heard of her either, but apparently this weekend is gonna be a bang-up one for me. Here’s to hoping
May 13, 2008 at 2:59 pm
dirty pirate hooker…thats so awesome
don’t listen to those psychics! Haven’t you read “irrestible” by eileen cook yet???
May 13, 2008 at 4:23 pm
hmmm… it’s a good month for me to have a baby. thanks for my first SM experience — and last!
May 13, 2008 at 5:49 pm
No one calls anyone else sluts anymore. I miss it.
May 13, 2008 at 7:36 pm
TOO FUNNY! What a slut.
May 14, 2008 at 12:42 am
she’s ridiculously (and scarily) accurate!!! but i refuse to believe it will take you that long to be snapped up, b. you’re too fabulous!
May 14, 2008 at 9:33 am
She claims that it is going to be a “landmark month” for me. A dream will come true or a relationship will start.
Also, she thinks that I’m super fertile right now. You know, I kind of feel that.