Helllllo out there!

Anybody there?!

Hopefully so. I know I’ve been slacking off and not writing a lot lately, and my readership has dwindled considerably. So if those of you who are still out there and are reading? Thank you. A lot has been happening in my life…and lately, I feel like my REAL life is just so much to take, that the thought of sitting down and writing about it and analyzing it over my Internet life was just exhausting. So I took a little time.

And here’s what happened.

I’ve been finding myself walking around, everywhere I go posing Carrie Bradshaw like questions to everything I see. Offering my own internal take on relationships, life, and/or lack thereof. And that’s when it hit me. Holy Hell, Batman, I need to write.

Brilliant observation, I know.

My fingers need to draw themselves over the keyboard typing up a tapestry of my daily thoughts. My mind won’t ever be settled until I deal with whats going on, and put it out there. And so, back to the laptop I trail, with my head hanging low, fighting every urge in my body to not put everything out there- to keep it locked up inside, so I don’t have to come to terms with the thousands of things that cross my mind.

But that’s not healthy. And we’re on a quest for healthy and happiness here, folks.

I was reading a totally awesome lady, and she spoke of a quote she came across in a magazine. Drew Barrymore said:

“Here’s something else I will happily share, something a friend told me that changed my world, though it didn’t necessarily change my behavior. And it’s this: Men build bridges. If they want to find your phone number or anything else, they will. They will build huge, massive bridges to get to you.”

And it just hit me. Today, all of a sudden.

I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I need to stop worrying so much about what’s going to happen, that I miss out on the simple wonderfuls of now. And that goes for not only life, but my relationships as well.

I need to make bridges for myself whilst waiting for others to build some connecting to me. Because only then, will I have a complete highway system to ride up and down the highway of life on.

As for school, I’ve been so stressed out with my classes, and in particular, an arrogant prick for a professor. But at the end of the day, what is the reason for the stress? I know I will pass the class. I know I won’t be getting an A+…something hard to digest for my overachiever self. But you know what? Sometimes, the best you can do isn’t always going to be an A+.

AND THAT’S OKAY.

Let me repeat, THAT IS OKAY.

(Sometimes I have to repeat that mantra over and over so it will sink into my sometimes thick skull.)

In regards to relationships, Greekman has resurfaced as he just doesn’t ever really go away, in a manner of speaking, basically made it clear he wants to marry me, but nothing will happen until I’m done with school, so he’s just not going to make a decision until he has to. (Whatever….who said i wanted to be with YOU anyway?! Seriously?! Seriously!)

And TomPettyBF? Heart. Heart him. REALLY WANT THINGS TO WORK OUT WITH HIM, and for the record, I already view him as my “manfriend,” But, also, we’re in a limbo of sorts. I’m not in the same city yet, (although I will be in a month and a half), and there’s really nothing that’s going to change right now, so I need to just get through this period of limbo and focus on the THINGS THAT I CAN CONTROL. And then of course, there’s the worry that once I do get out there it will turn into a miserable trainwreck and just be bad and that aside set of hopes will be crushed, so that is why I’m focusing on myself and school and welcome to my crazymind hello nice to meet you.

(For the record, both are Libras, and birthday are six days apart. Coincidence?! I THINK NOT.)

Ahem. Deep breaths.

Let me reiterate (another thing, yes): FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL, OTHERWISE YOU WILLLL DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY.

Note to self: heed own aforementioned advice.

So yes, manfriend is still there, but it’s a limbo period….just like now, in waiting for school to start…and waiting to hear about potential apartments….and waiting, and waiting…..

And waiting some more. Please do not think this is idle waiting, however.

Far from it.

In fact, I think that during this period of waiting, I’ll have gathered up enough pebbles to start to build my own bridges to things that are good for ME.

MY career. MY friendships. MY family. MY new path in life.

I may not be all together, all of the time, but I’m getting there. Slowly but surely, pebble by pebble, I will build bridges important to me, with hardwork, sacrifice, and love- of others and myself-as its foundation.

And maybe, someday….someone will build an exit ramp, or even a huge, massive bridge to connect with me on my stretch of the highway.