i…

…haven’t done one of these posts for a long time.

…think it’s long overdue.

…have been feeling like total crap lately; advil cold and sinus, gatorade, hot tea and tissues have been my constant companions.

…really, really, really miss the pupster, B. Like, a lot. I hate that he’s across the state and so far away from me when I could really use his snuggles and puppy kisses right now.

…understand that he’s really good for my mom though, and that’s the only reason I’m ok with him being there rather than here. She really needs him right now.

…feel like a terrible granddaughter because every night I saw a prayer that my grandma is being watched over and that she may pass quickly, and in her sleep.

…am having issues about what kind of grandaughter prays for that…but in reality, it would honestly be a blessing. my mom is struggling from major caregiver strain, and not able to take care of her anymore because she’s deteriorated so much (both my grandmother’s health, and my mom’s emotional/physical health). My grandmother doesn’t even know who I am anymore. She sleeps 17 hrs a day and doesn’t eat…and its just heartbreaking.

…just want her to be at peace. And not in pain.

…should be having a hot date with my pharmacology books right now.

…am so overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge and information that my brain has been processing these past couple weeks, but I absolutely LOVE it. LOVE IT.

…really think I’ve found my niche in nursing. I want to be in the ICU.

…perhaps maybe even more specifically, the Burn Unit. We’ll see after I can hopefully spend a week in one in the spring doing specifically that. Either way, I love the ICU.

…had a baked potato with butter for dinner and it was delicious. It also calmed my stomach which has been super, super upset lately.

…think though, that I’m in a better place now than I’ve been in a long time.

…am happy to report the above, especially after making the decision to go off my meds. Yes, I’ve never publicly spoken about this, but since December of 2005 I have been a card carrying member of the Prozac nation. After consulting with my doctor, and weaning off of them, I’m happy to say that I no longer use them as a crutch, and am doing well. Very, very well.

…continue to believe that they are very much needed, and if after close monitoring of myself I realize I need to go back on them, well, then, so be it. I haven’t spoken on the blog much about it before (but have in direct emails with some), but truly believe that depression/anxiety is an illness, and should be treated like one, complete with medications and therapy. You can have your beliefs, I have mine. But for now, I’m really, really at peace with the situation and how I’m feeling. My life has changed alot from when I was working at *evil empire* in Boston, and I think…I’ve made the right choice. Fingers crossed.

…realize that omission may have shocked a few. I’ve never hid it, other bloggers and I have had extensive conversations about it..I just never chose to write about it specifically.

…am beyond THRILLED that my bestest is back blogging. We have weathered many a storm together, and know we will continue to do so. Love you CiCi. Soul sisters. For life. xo.

…am also going to make a real, honest goodness attempt to write more. I’ve missed it. I think though that after you go so long, you sort of stare at your computer and think…”I know I need to…but there’s so much stuff to write about.” And it’s overwhelming. But, like my dearest above said, “I have sh*t to say.”

…have been talking to a man. For the past month or so, yet I met him back in May. I don’t know where it’s going. Or where we’re at, so I’m going to keep mum for a little while longer.

…have slowly found myself switching over to tea, rather than coffee. Which is crazy to me, because I’m so not a tea person. But ohmygosh, this? SO GOOD.

…am still battling with the parents about the whole car situation. Read: I need one. Not just want, but need. Problem: paying for said car.

…absolutely love, love, LOVE the Fall. It is my favorite season. Like mi madre says, “it’s like God’s paintbrush has brought beauty to the world.”

…am also currently missing my blogbesties, Clinky and Pie. Also tres excited to meet THIS girl in a little over a week.

…think that friendships are what get me through.Today I got out of my roations early, and I not only caught up with aforementioned bloggy friends, but also spoke with three of my bestests from college and growing up.

…am a lucky, lucky, LUCKY girl to have such amazing women in my life.

…hope I haven’t bored you with this laundry list of items. But it’s me, in all my crazy resplendent life.

Take it or leave it.