dear drunk barbie,
hi there. it’s your other half here. you know, the more sober one. we need to talk, dollface. but first? please put that bag of salt and vinegar chips down. you ass is already big. good girl. no, no, no. PUT DOWN THE PIZZA AND RANCH DRESSING. focus. k. good. so, i know its halloween and all. and you’re dressed up like a naughty po-po officer. and you look good, you really do. but i’m thinking it might be a good time to assess your behavior tonight. so, let’s review. calling everyone in your phone at 2.45am? NOT A GOOD DECISION. having multiple conversations you will not remember? also not probably the most stellar of ideas. (except that one with the fabulous bXY. he’s a hottie, that one. you can keep him around.) those are really the major ones, love. but in addition to those? please remember the following: (1) crowded bars on halloween are not the place to have heart to hearts; (2) it’s entirely okay to cut yourself off from the bar. you’re 26 now, and can no longer drink a frat boy under the table like you used to. sorry babycakes; (3) again, you’re 26. not a drunken frat boy. you really didn’t need to steal that umbrella from the table, even though (in your defense) it DID look lonely sitting there all by itself.
so, keep those things in mind, and we’ll be good. now, get yourself some gatorade and advil, and take off that eye makeup. you look like hell. now PUT DOWN THE DAMN SALT AND VINEGAR CHIPS, and get some sleep.
kisses,
sober barbie
/…..
dear barbie,
so, i know it’s been awhile since you’ve been to mass. in fact, i believe it was ash wednesday to be exact. then gain, i know you’re busy and all saving lives with your nursing eyes and healing hands. however, whenever its sunday night? and you don’t take the opportunity to go to mass? i’d like you to remember the experience you had tonight. and what one could call divine intervention.
i know the relationship we have with our grandma is one that is intensely special to us. and also, the fact that you are reminded of grandpa everytime you go to church, isn’t easy for you to deal with. i know how you hate feeling like a fool breaking down crying usually in the middle of mass when something triggers your emotions. but that’s a good thing, honey. just like tonight. it being “all saints day,” and all. the service tonight really was beautiful, and i, too, really liked the fact they had a special remembrance of people that passed away this past year, in honor of tomorrow, “all souls day.” so when they turned off all the lights, and lit that sole candle on the altar? and the choir with voices of angels and the orchestra’s acoustics that bounced off the walls perfectly so, rang out in the church? and seeing a slideshow of photographs of people who passed away over the year who were somehow a part of a member in the congregation’s life, were illuminated on the wall of the round cathedral ceiling? that was pretty emotional.
i know you were happy that you were leaning against the wall, in a corner where people really couldn’t see you because it was standing room only. and i know that you didn’t mean to break down crying multiple times. but it’s okay, honey. you have a good heart, and i know that part of the service really impacted you. i’m proud of you for realizing that life is oh so fragile…and a precious gift that we have for only a fleeting moment.
i know it made you stop and think about grandma. and how much her health has deteriorated. and how, she doesn’t even know who you are anymore. i know it was hard for you to see that precious picture of the little girl who was bald, and apparently lost her battle to cancer. it was a lot to take in, bb. but it was for the best. and i’m so glad we were able to have that emotional experience.
hang in there, and don’t forget to say your prayers tonight. although, i know that after your attendance to this particular mass, i don’t need to remind you.
blessings,
your conscious
/….
dear commitment issues barbie,
get over it. seriously. get. over. it.
we heal.
love,
your heart
/….
what would you write in a letter to yourself, today?
November 1, 2009 at 11:20 pm
I cried at mass this morning. I cried when Mark hugged and kissed me at the sign of peace, and watching the kids shake hands with everyone, and listening to William sing and watching Benjamin try to remember all the words to the prayers. It is a very emotional experience for me, too.
I love you, bestest.
November 2, 2009 at 10:15 am
I cry every time I watch tv and someone has died or anything remotely related to me thinking about my grandpa who passed in June. It’s so crazy how much it hurts to miss someone sometimes.
My letter to myself would be:
Amy, remember last year at this time? If you had only gotten serious about exercise and nutrition then, you would be a skinny bitch by now.
Hatefully yours,
your still too fat self.
November 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm
My post today was pretty much an extended version of your third one.
Sorry about your grandma, dear.
November 3, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Your mass letter nearly made me cry. Beautiful.
November 6, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I am the EXACT same as you when it comes to mass. I don’t go anymore b/c it reminds me of my grandparents. I cry every, single time I go into a church, and at least for weddings ppl think I’m crying b/c the bride is so beautiful.