- i love the glee cast soundtrack. and belting out along with the songs.
- i love wearing scrubs, a broken in tshirt, and my hair in a ponytail, no makeup.
- i will put my gmail status on “invisible” more often than not because i just feel like hiding out; plus it doesn’t hurt so much when someone you want to talk to you doesn’t…because to them, you’re not there. maybe i never really was.
- i update my facebook status for a reason; whether it be something meaningful to me, or something i want someone to know. there is always a reason.
- i have no qualms telling a man when he’s out of line, and is making me feel uncomfortable with his flirty banter. i talk a lot of game, but when it comes to actual toeing of the risque line, i’m kinda a prude. sorry.
- i really love getting a manicure. it makes me feel better. and i don’t care how superficial that sounds.
- i ask about how my dog is doing before i ask about how my father is doing. and don’t feel guilty about it.
- i don’t know a lot of the new bloggers out there. because quite frankly, the idea of commenting and building relationships is daunting.
- i think more often than not the state of how clean my room is often reflects the state of my mind at that particular moment in time.
- i hate that i’m not on top of my game when it comes to sending out birthday cards/notes/presents/greeting cards on time like i USED to be.
- i’m completely and totally obsessed with this product. like, definitely application of it at least 4 times a day because its results and smell is just so damn DIVINE.
- i’ve become more cynical due to my own internal self doubts. i don’t know if it’s the constant hurt and emotional beatings i’ve taken, but the overflow of “zomg we just bought a house/getting married/having a BABY” influx on my facebook newsfeed as of late can, and has, sent me straight to the vodka bottle. espescially when they are of people who are YOUNGER than I am.
- i have no patience for people who are passive aggressive, fake, or not honest about their real intentions of their place they try to take in my life.
- i think i’ve finally gotten to a point in my life where i’ve become a little hardened–not a lot, but just enough for me to notice. and that terrifies me.
- i’m a lot more sensitive when it comes to remarks about my current place on my life path.
- it really chaps my ass when someone tries to argue with me about my values and beliefs i hold. i don’t try and get all up in your shit. have some decency and agree to disagree. and sit the fuck down and shut the hell up.
- in a drunk dial search of my phone i found myself going “married, engaged, can’t call, NO, NO, has a child, absolutely CANNOT call, married.” it was depressing. it also made me realize i need to do a major overhaul of my cellphone address book.
- i really, really, really love the movie a lot like love.
- if you’re one of my best friends, you should know just how insensitive the comment that “i should ‘just get over it’ that i’m not even close to being settled down.” really? that hurt. a lot.
- i like citrus flavors such as orange and lemon. that never used to be the case.
- i have not tanned and/or been in the sun (real or artificial) since this summer. never in my life have i EVER been this pale.
- i tear up at mass when the beauty of the song and orchestra is just too much for me to internalize.
- i have the mouth of a sailor. and i need to knock it off. but honestly? everyone has their vices. and for me, it’s a stress reliever. no chocolate, or cigarettes, or endless running on the treadmill here. a nice, loud, “FUCK MY LIFE” does just fine, thanks.
- i’ve been dreaming a lot more recently. and that has never, ever, ever been the case.
- i wish my parents would believe me that i’m fine, and handling the recent changes in my life well, all things considering.
What have you recently become more aware of, about yourself?
November 23, 2009 at 5:10 am
Hi BB
I am a looooooong time reader (years-long, I think) from Australia, but probably first-time commenter. I love your blog, and I especially loved this post – I found myself nodding and agreeing with many of the things you said, and then I saw the point about not commenting on other blogs because it is daunting…and then I was like, mind-read! That’s a SIGN. I better comment!
So, hi
I am so hearing you re. gmail chat and facebook statuses – always, always intentional. I’m not sure if they’re ever seen by the person for whom it’s intended, but at least you feel better getting it ‘out there.’
I am also trying to determine my life path. My Facebook ‘About Me’ says ‘under construction.’ I was too lazy to write anything else and then realised it was strangely appropriate. I’m rather sensitive to any comments, particularly those from the stranger, old enough to be my dad and who knows nothing about me, who comes into work every week and asks whether I have a “real job” yet. He’s thisclose to a verbal serve: no, my current jobs may not utilise my degree, but I ENJOY them, and anyway, it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. ( /rant. Sorry!)
Thirdly, I’m auburn-haired, so pale skin is all I know
Instead of getting a little tan when I burn, I go straight back to glow-in-the-dark pale. Sucks, srsly!
Anyway, you seem fabulous, and I’m sure that things will eventually turn out exactly as you hope. Good things come to those who wait
(Essay FIN.)
November 23, 2009 at 9:51 am
Just like Elise said, I found myself shaking my head yes to so many of the things you mentioned in this post.
I have been hurt, so many times, by best friends and family members telling me to “just get over it.” It is one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever been told.
November 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I love you, BB. You are right where you need to be right now. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Anyone who is not supporting where you are can suck it. It’s your life girl, live it to its fullest. Kisses.
November 23, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I’m actually a really long time reader of yours (since, like, when La was around and blogging regularly) but I’ve never commented because I could never really figure out what I wanted to say. This time I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re becoming a really awesome person. When I started reading you, it was all about boys and.. well, that was the bulk of it. Even though you obviously still talk about that now, just the way that you’ve grown and the things that matter to you seem to have really changed. It’s just cool to see this new side of you, I guess.
November 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Wow. This post resonated SO much with me. I think I am a little older than you (30) but still battle some of these same things (clean room,swearing changing scent tastes). However I can tell you the self-doubts do get easier and you’ll become more sure of who you are and why you’re on the path you’re on. How great that you are self-aware and examine your life in a blog this way. I know this was a comfort to me as well in my twenties when ther was a lot of uncertainty in my life. Good luck BB!
November 24, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Loved this post! I am stuck in a job that I am miserable at, but cannot really leave because of circumstances right now. It has left me unhappy and completely unmotivated. I can’t write about it on my blog bc unfortunately some work folks read it….why why why did I give out my blog!
Oh well… I love your blog! Thanks for posting more recently. Its a nice distraction from working!
November 24, 2009 at 12:16 pm
[...] amazed by the amount of inspiration I receive from these three bloggers and they don’t even know it. The blogging world is a pretty crazy place some [...]
November 24, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I recently realized I could handle a lot more than i ever thought possible. A divorce, a child, a single mother-dom, and break up after break up. I will live, as badly as it hurts, I will pick myself up and go on with my life. I CAN do this!
November 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm
I should give you my number. I always like to be on the giving/receiving end of a drunk dial.
November 25, 2009 at 6:38 pm
so, i don’t care if you EVER get over it. that’s how much i love you. because i am sure as hellz not over it either.
November 26, 2009 at 1:49 am
I’ve learned that I’m not a big city person anymore. Too loud, too busy, but damn if I don’t miss good ethnic food.
November 28, 2009 at 8:43 pm
i realize how long it’s been since i’ve sat down and read you. i miss blogging, and i miss you!
November 30, 2009 at 2:18 pm
BB, you know I love you and continue to admire your strengths. I JUST had a friend basically tell me to get over it last night and thats the worst thing you can say to someone who needs your support. If it were THAT EASY wouldn’t we just do it already?? I related so well to all this and I’ve missed reading you! I promise to be around more often
xoxoxoxoxo
December 1, 2009 at 12:46 am
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